Friday, August 27, 2010

Summer? It happened.

So, one day before I leave for Fox for my second year.

I hadn't realized how fast the time flies, until I noticed my new home would be a Suite with three wonderful girls!

I still haven't changed my desired career. I'm currently a Music Education and Performance double major. My instrument is still a huge part of my life, and I hope one day I get to be the one who teaches children about music and life.
I'm very excited about this year, mostly because of the opportunities that'll come out of it. I'll be applying to the school of education, to continue in the Music Education department. I'm also striving to pass onto upper division at the end of this year with my Clarinet.

My summer was . . . life changing. I hadn't realized I held so much bitterness toward some of my family and toward men. I actually started to wish death among some of these people (it sounds dramatic, but I was truly full of rage with these people). The Lord grabbed ahold of my heart this summer and I forgave many people. I was in deep hurt, and ignored every bit of it, stuffing all my severe emotions in a box. But as stuffing goes, it always ends up leaking out and onto others, and before I knew it, I hurt many people. I decided it was time for a change. A quote I really remember, from someone on the same camp staff as me, pierced me. Not in a bad way, of course. But this person told me, "Being optimistic is a mindset. It's actually more of a choice than people make it out to be." Immediately, I knew my reasons why I was so depressed and struggling. First of all, I wasn't putting God first, which is a VERY bad idea. Second of all, I feared rejection and messing up, so I was always naturally defensive, another issue I have when I don't put God first. And I wasn't making an effort to be positive, which I should've been. ANOTHER THING THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T PUT GOD FIRST. Go figure, right?
This summer changed my life. I lived at a camp, worked with counselors, other lifeguards, leadership staff, and kids. It wasn't the average lifeguard job. And a few people I opened up to, one actually heard my whole testimony, and because of that, that person and I were probably closer than most. Of course, people thought the guy and I liked each other, but he was just a friend. Overall this summer has been intense.

It's leading onto this fall. My view is different on life. I don't see life as a downer, but as a journey with my Lord and Savior. I don't see people as naturally hurtful, but as brothers and sisters, on a journey as well. I don't see early mornings as a pain in the butt, but an opportunity to spend time with the Lord. I don't see work as an irritation, but a way to serve the Lord and achieve my goals. I am ready to tackle Fox, enjoy, make new memories, praise God in trials, and smile, even when I don't feel like it.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts for me over the summer if you have, because they've helped me in so many ways. :)

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