It's been a while. A long while.
I am four days from my hearing. My hearing to my recital. I'm in the mix of feeling excited, yet terrified. My instructor makes it seem like the world will end if I don't play perfectly. My accompanist is encouraging saying that it's for my own protection and that the faculty only wants me to succeed and that small mistakes are okay. As a perfectionist, I notice the bad criticisms before good, and I tend to think that I stink, due to my instructor making me feel like I do. I'm the type that does better with positive reinforcement.
But yet. . . in midst of being terrified. . . I am ecstatic. I get to play music. For people. God gave me this talent to even pick up an instrument, hear a pitch and play the notes. I get to glorify Him by playing my instrument. Best. Ministry. Ever. I get to show the music faculty what God has done and bathe in that adrenaline, losing myself in the sounds of beauty. I know I've done the right performance when I don't remember a thing. I only remember the first note, and last. And I feel like pure energy is shooting through my veins. I really think it's God, to be honest. As corny as that sounds.
But I am excited. And afraid.
On a different note, I no longer lash out at people. But my body physically pays for my suppression of emotion. These last few weeks alone, I've had 4 migraine-headaches, 5 apathetic days, and 1 anxiety attack. Most of this is caused by stress. I feel like this is better than having the department dislike me. :P
My love life is currently apathetic. Mainly because I have no time. I'm still praying for you, future spouse. But I know it'll be the right time when a male enters my life in a relationship standpoint.
I will update on the hearing and post pictures of stuff later.
What a crazy month.