It is so easy to get distracted, especially at a time like this. I want so badly to be better than average in my schooling. But right now, I am so mentally drained, I don't know if I have the gumption to continue onward. My instrument has taken all time, I'm paying dearly for even getting online. I have papers to write, tests to study for, homework to complete, chapters to read, and, yet, I have no ability to get up and do any of it.
This is what I like to call, end of the school year syndrome. It is ironic, because, how can one succeed if the effort is not being put out? I'm done with living with people, with working on things. I think I'm ready to get away and be by myself for a few weeks, which, hopefully I will, because I will (HOPEFULLY) be on campus, working full time. This is a bleh moment.
In other news, I think a change in me is going to be happening soon. I've been trying to understand what the meaning of lonely really means. Obviously it is different than being alone. But loneliness, for me, has been the lack of people in my life. Strangely enough, I never talk about it too much. You think I would. But people feeling bad is not on my agenda, I just want to be around people. The issue is, I find that vulnerability must be along side me in order to fend off loneliness, but that means I need to be completely vulnerable, which allows a large amount of possible pain. But this change is going to be happening soon. I can feel it.
Now, to recognize the end to this day, I will be working out with a friend. Good day.