Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Blue rose phase? I think yes.

I've been wondering what this phase is. My life phase. I feel like I've been through the "life story" phase. And so, I'm trying to come up with a catchy title and meaning. That's when I thought of blue roses.

I love blue roses. I actually love the rose, but blue represents a lot for me. Blue is the color of passion, compassion, and depth. This is that phase. And since I'm at an awkward romantic place, it makes sense.

Let me explain the romantic part really quick. I've been at a place where I've just wanted a romantic relationship, but yet, I don't. There are a lot of things I must learn, but I do desire it. Roses, to me, are very romantic and a blue rose means more than I can say. Plus they smell good. But back to the serious bit. I mean, if the right person comes into my life, I'm not going to say no. It really also depends on the context. So, this is my awkward phase. I also have a desire to cuddle a lot. It ruins my groove, because I find most people don't want to cuddle at random.

My emotions came back a few days ago (I know this sounds really lame, but it's true). It was a flood, and I realized that it was due to stress. I just shut down. So now that I feel again, I am back to thinking about my future.

Juries are frightening. This spring concert is frightening. My instructor is frightening. Ehhh . . .

I'm super excited for next year. I got off campus housing, which is normally difficult for me as a junior, but I managed (personally, I think it's because of the overload of freshmen and not enough beds). I also have an on campus job over the summer, and so I feel very blessed. The off campus stuff is completely new, so I'm super excited. I also get to spend time with a lot of people that aren't in my major, who are staying on campus as well and it's a great opportunity. On top of it all, I plan on joining a community choir and Newberg's community band as a trumpet player (yes, I am well aware that I am a clarinet player).

So here's the update. I have a lot to do.
Oh, and I'm still listening to Rammstein like it's no one's business. Just saying.

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