Sunday, May 8, 2011

Life as a rollercoaster in space!

I've been emotionally changing in the last two weeks. And learning a lot about myself and my surroundings.

This last week was the first full week of full time work I've ever done. Let me say, it is EXHAUSTING. I daresay almost as exhausting as working at a camp. Luckily, I'm getting paid 4X as much, but it's a constant go for 8 hours, whereas camp was broken up (I was a lifeguard). Cleaning that much has made me pickier, and at the same time, lazier with my own cleanliness. It's a strange situation. I also bought my first set of groceries ever, you know, without dependence on a school cafeteria. It's so strange to have it be so different. :P I enjoy the food I bought, because I've all ready started losing weight because the food I bought is MUCH healthier than the crap at the cafeteria at Fox.

My recital is going to be in November, so I'm about to kick it into gear for my instrument. I'm thinking 1 1/2 hours of practice a day should be pretty good. I sleep for 7-8 hours a night now, which has improved my health a lot, and I've also watched sugar intake, and eat every two hours. It's tough. But I want to be healthy and practice.

It's kinda lonely on campus, as everyone is gone. There are a few left, but it's still kinda sad. A lot of my friends are on juniors abroad, my future roomies, interest, all that jazz, but it's okay. They get back in less than three weeks, so I guess it could be worse. The girl in the picture with me is Vicky, and she's one of the roomies that is currently abroad. She's in New Zealand (<--I wish I could go to places like that!).

Anyway, there are a lot of things developing emotionally in me right now. For example, I haven't been truly vulnerable with someone in two years. It is frightening to do so. And it's looking like I'm going to be vulnerable for the first time in a while. I'm afraid because I feel so emotionally off and crazy, but in order to grow and love people, I need to be vulnerable. Putting my heart and emotions in someone's hands is unnerving. I just hope the Lord will help me through this process, because I thought I wasn't going to be vulnerable to this degree for the rest of my life, and I hardened my heart. Now to tear the layers of Michelle's protection and show the soft underside of the belly. The Father is the only one who can help me with this.


  1. I love your line, "The Father is the only one who can help me with this.:

  2. Thanks for sharing- be honest and vulnerable is tough- and you do get hurt, but you also find real love from friends, REAL ones. I totally relate to the hardening of the heart- it is a conscious decision to not be hard (it is also work and not always instant). And God will reward you for it. You're not crazy BTW.